gaps of memory

i lost my toe ring.

i loved my toe ring, and wore it basically nonstop for more than a dozen years. but i'm more concerned that i have absolutely no idea when i lost it. that's the problem- it's not like it's easy to misplace a toe ring. in fact, it's damn hard to take it off, and i have absolutely no recollection of doing so. there's no way that it would have just fallen off, so i'm left wondering what the hell happened, and when did it happen. who knows what i did while i was 'sleeping' on those terrible sleeping pills? it was such a part of my everyday life that i can't even remember the last time it really caught my attention, and i can't even be sure when i last had it. who doesn't remember losing a piece of jewelry that needs to be pried off a filangee?

even more worrisome, if i can't figure out when i lost something that takes a supreme amout of effort to lose, what else have i been overlooking? yikes.

2007

for the love of god, 2007 must be better than 2006. while there is one enormous negative which will most likely happen in 2007 (subject of this blog), i'm hoping the rest of it will hold the promise of good times. i resolve to start being easier on myself, accepting that i cannot change anyone or anything except myself, and doing things that are not detrimental to my physical or mental well-being. this 24/7, all-consuming life which i'm currently living will not be resented or become the source of all my problems. instead, it will return to its original intent of being with my mom because that is where i want to be. this should not be a burden, but a time which i will look back upon and realize i've learned a lot about myself and life in general. so, i resolve to try and get my own life back under control. luckily, i have wonderful people who love me and want the best for me despite the downward spiral i have been putting myself through. it's time to start climbing back to the hope and positive outlook which i know is out there but have not genuinely seen in some time. here's to 2007.