cell phone calls

today i wasn't at the house, and wanted to talk to my mom and see how she was doing. i called my mom's cell phone because i thought it would be the closest phone to her (the other phones in the room are frequently lost in the bedsheets or around the house somewhere). her phone is rarely used, and no one answered, which i knew might happen.

the voicemail clicked in, and i hung up, but not before hearing a few of the notes of her voice on the message. it was completely unerving. then, later on i called back, mostly because i wanted to hear her voice from when she was healthy and could talk without hesitation and form complete sentences. it was amazing. i didn't believe it was the same woman.

thinking about it now, i start to cry; but earlier it was such a surreal experience that i couldn't really completely compute it. the message was from a different person, and it was recorded a lifetime ago. hell, even last week was a lifetime ago. but that's the only remnant i have of her voice from before the tumor spread and impacted the speech area of her brain, and the thought that at some point there's going to be no need to keep that cell line open just breaks my heart all over again.