forgetting about yourself

when you're a caregiver, you forget to take care of yourself. you're so concerned about everyone else that keeping yourself in shape and remembering to eat well that exerciseand diet flies through the window.

then one morning you wake up and cannot remember how you gained weight or why walking up stairs causes you to lose your breath. and then you remember that you haven't gotten a haircut in months, or purchased any new and nice clothing in ages, and certain garments are tight where they used to be loose. how did this happen? you pay so much attention to details. you're the one who makes sure the others eat right and exercise, and yet you've neglected yourself. you're so exhausted every night that you don't have the energy to move, let alone work up a sweat.

and you miss the old you, and would give anything to go back to before you had to be the caregiver, before the person you're taking care of was sick, when you had the money and the desire to make yourself look good, and the time to spend on yourself. and you wonder where it's all gone, and if you can ever get it back again without losing the person you are taking care of at this particular time, and it's another heartbreaking reminder of the emotionally and physically exhausting situation.

ps-i did exercise, and i felt phenomenal and rejuvenated and amazing.