little rays of sunshine

sometimes, when i'm really feeling low for either no reason or a number of reasons, something happens that immediately makes my greys go away. i remember driving to the post office to turn in a scholarship form for college that i knew that i wouldn't get, and there were a whole list of other reasons that made me feel depressed. as i was driving, i was stopped at a red light behind a schoolbus. the children started waving to me, and i waved back, and they broke out in smiles and waved even more enthusiastically. that happened about 10 years ago, and i still remember it today.

in early october, i came back from researching feeling really down and hopeless, and i had a package waiting for me. it was my birthday neighborhoodie from D. it had arrived three weeks early, and when i pulled it on, i was wrapped in a fuzzy sense of security and i knew that it was from someone who loved me, and i was so happy that i couldn't wipe the smile off my face for hours (and i'm still happy when i pull it on, even now).

today, i came home once again after a day of feeling out of sorts and very upset and wanting to closet myself away from people, and had a package waiting for me. it was from D again-the various package delivery services seem to drop off little bits of uplifting thoughts from him to me just when i need it the most. and i started crying, and haven't really been able to stop. it is just so thoughtful, and sweet, and i know that people, not just D, love me and are worried about me. even though i just want to dissappear into my own world, my friends let me know that i'm not allowed to shut them out. and i'm unbelieveably, overwhelmingly, grateful for every little bit, even if i can't express to them how much they mean to me. and now i'm crying again.