another bout of insomnia
i've been up since 4am est, and cannot get back to sleep.
my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor (stage 3, thalamic astrocytoma/glioma) the first week of may 2004. frankly, the name or type of tumor is vague, but that's because through a combination of denial and optimism, i've keep myself out of the medical side of things for 2 years. my job, as i see it, is to provide the lighthearted commentary and laughter; in short, to be the one that keeps the mood elevated when everything is falling to pieces.
this has been fairly effective up until earlier this year, when the experimental treatments at Very Important Research place stopped working. apparently brain tumors are like the flu virus-they morph and change and become resistant to certain medications. my mother's treament didn't respond to normal chemo/radiation, so we ended up at VIR where she was incredibly successful on the first treament she received. this gave is hope and life returned to normal as much as it possibly could for about a year.
now, the treatments haven't been working, and we're on our 4th option and things are really not going well. but, we still cling to the idea that maybe this one will slow the tumor's growth, although i'm not sure that her current condition is really something that anyone wants to see stabilized, frankly.
and yet, there is a silver lining to all of this. my mom went from being a type-a personality to someone that is seemingly happy and content just to sit and watch the food network (all day, every day-at first it's annoying and grating on your last nerve, and then you start picking up tips and paying less attention to the show's host and focusing more on the recipes). the only thing she seems to want is for me to crawl into bed next to her (i sleep on top of the covers with 2 blankents) and make comments to her about the tv host or the recipe and we have a conversation as much as it is possible to have a conversation with someone who cannot form sentences. i've actually gotten very very good at 20 questions, our version of figuring out what she wants or is trying to say. for many people, this would not be sufficient. but for me, it works. we keep our topics lighthearted, and i get her to laugh, and then my goals for the day are accomplished.
my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor (stage 3, thalamic astrocytoma/glioma) the first week of may 2004. frankly, the name or type of tumor is vague, but that's because through a combination of denial and optimism, i've keep myself out of the medical side of things for 2 years. my job, as i see it, is to provide the lighthearted commentary and laughter; in short, to be the one that keeps the mood elevated when everything is falling to pieces.
this has been fairly effective up until earlier this year, when the experimental treatments at Very Important Research place stopped working. apparently brain tumors are like the flu virus-they morph and change and become resistant to certain medications. my mother's treament didn't respond to normal chemo/radiation, so we ended up at VIR where she was incredibly successful on the first treament she received. this gave is hope and life returned to normal as much as it possibly could for about a year.
now, the treatments haven't been working, and we're on our 4th option and things are really not going well. but, we still cling to the idea that maybe this one will slow the tumor's growth, although i'm not sure that her current condition is really something that anyone wants to see stabilized, frankly.
and yet, there is a silver lining to all of this. my mom went from being a type-a personality to someone that is seemingly happy and content just to sit and watch the food network (all day, every day-at first it's annoying and grating on your last nerve, and then you start picking up tips and paying less attention to the show's host and focusing more on the recipes). the only thing she seems to want is for me to crawl into bed next to her (i sleep on top of the covers with 2 blankents) and make comments to her about the tv host or the recipe and we have a conversation as much as it is possible to have a conversation with someone who cannot form sentences. i've actually gotten very very good at 20 questions, our version of figuring out what she wants or is trying to say. for many people, this would not be sufficient. but for me, it works. we keep our topics lighthearted, and i get her to laugh, and then my goals for the day are accomplished.
posted by j @ 2:15 AM
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